The Sanctuary of Self Study

Many people view personality traits as a fixed state of being. I have to admit that at one point, I thought so as well. The phrases, "Oh, you know how they are," or "That's just [name]!" has been used to accept each other, but in a way I find to be fairly dismissive and devoid of true understanding and compassion. Not only this, but there may be patterns of someone that are genuinely damaging to relationships and self-sabotaging to the individual. Many times that person is ourselves and we do not hold us accountable for our hurtful tendencies.

On a personal note, I knew my ways of communicating and extreme anxiety were negatively impacting my relationships and mental health. My own excuses for my behavior

seemed far-fetched and lacking logic. It doesn't mean whatever I was feeling that made me react or spiral doesn't matter - in fact you WANT to pay attention to what is going on inside your inner world and what is eliciting that response. You're not wrong for feeling what you feel, but it does mean that it's important to understand why you're experiencing emotional pain, and at times, dig yourself deeper into a hole.

I would like to preface that I'm not a therapist or a professional researcher or someone that has a background in wellness. Although I'm accumulating information as I go, I am simply a regular person on their healing journey. At my rock bottom, which consistent of lashing out in anger and impatience, unexpected tears from any small criticism, and lots and lots of nervous nail biting, it was difficult to find the resources I needed without paying out of pocked. I dished out expensive fees for mental health services and programs that frankly did not help me.

Don't get me wrong, therapy is wonderful for some people, and it was nice to talk about what I was going through without dumping it on family and friends who weren't "professional listeners." After a couple visits, my therapist was surprised that I "knew so much" and was so open to be honest about my circumstances. But even after knowing all of that about myself, I wasn't getting the advice and tools I needed to help unravel my traumatic and conditioned knots. I needed to know how to put my knowledge into practice to make it stick. Therapy did not provide those answers.

After years of compounded tragedy and grief, my mood swings, anxiety and survival instincts on overdrive pushed me past the edge of acceptable. I was at a breaking point where my tension and attitude were affecting the people who mattered most in my life, including my son. I needed something quick so I started taking Lexapro, which I am no longer on but attribute massive amounts of credit of getting me to where I am now.

Why?

You have to quiet the noise to focus on what exactly is hurting you. Sometimes, it's yourself and the narratives in your head, but that is not your fault. Anxiety can be overwhelming to the point that it's all you can think about.

We all deserve to feel like ourselves...

and the majority of the time, we don't even know who that person is.

Lexapro got me closer to what I'm like without anxiety and I realized that I didn't need anxiety to function. That was extremely liberating and has stuck with me even after I stopped taking the medication.

During this time, I decided to become a student of myself. And yes, maybe that sounds narcissistic, but when you do the inner work, you heal and protect others from your patterns which I think, at a high level, is more of what we need in the world: strengthening our relationships by owning our own mess - a mess that we can clean up and manage.

So I am here to say, that while it takes time, patience with yourself, and understanding of each painful event that you may be holding onto, you can change and be the person you want to be. You don't have to be anchored to the person you were or the things that have happened to you. That goes to say you cannot ignore those things. Believe me, I tried and I was worse off because of it. But after addressing those wounds, I can say with confidence that I am a different person than who I was 10 years, 5 years, 2 years, and even 6 months ago! Has it been hard facing feelings and situations that have been buried in order to survive? Yes, but committing to the transformation of my outlook on life and on myself has been a beautiful undertaking. Being vulnerable right now, putting my story out in the open and trying something new that feeds my passion is a big, scary step in the process of figuring out who I am and my purpose. This will be an important topic and a main highlight of this platform because we have been far removed from what we really want in life due to societal/gender/age expectations.

I truly believe that not being ourselves and following our heart is the cause of a lot of problems in the world.

While there is no professional here to monitor this community (and maybe one day there will be!) we are human beings with experiences we can all relate to. We each have open wounds that we hide when what we need to do is air out our dirty laundry, pop open a bottle of wine, let it out and let it go. No judgement, no shock, no lectures. We are not only here to take care of ourselves, but our vast human family as well. We can listen, relate to, and thoughtfully suggest ideas, especially for introverts (like me) who may need to talk about their growth through anonymity. Especially after the pandemic, it's been difficult to re-socialize and communicate articulately for many people out there. I do recommend that if you have a trusted confidant to speak to in your life, please do! But in the meantime, there are people who wonder if they are alone in their hardships and our goal here is to have a safe space to uplift and empower one another.

That said, I would like to acknowledge that this may very well be a different kind of social media, but will not be one that perpetuates perfection and the need to compare. This is a place to say, "look how weird and fucked up we are - this is our trauma and life is hard! But we've been there, we get it. We all share this human experience."

It's okay to have a bad day, to recognize you didn't check off everything on your list, that you don't have the money to do the things that other people do, and that's okay. YOU are okay. We are not competing with each other but encouraging one another to be the best we can be, with the resources we have, and with the energy we can muster on any given day. Progress looks different for everyone, but seeing other people step into their power and improve is a source of inspiration. We cheer them on even if we're at a earlier stage in the process. We want people to live their best lives to make the world a warmer and more compassionate place so that everyone can flourish.

The idea that we need to pick ourselves up from our bootstraps, alone without any help, is simply unrealistic and I am only where I am now because of the people who supported me, fed me when I had no money, helped put in a good word for a job, and yes, held me accountable for my actions because they KNEW I could do better. We need each other, and if therapy doesn't work for you, if meditation or medication doesn't work for you, speaking your truth and having others see and relate to you can be powerful enough to move mental mind-blocks. You belong.

We do need some ground rules to set boundaries for trust and respect so that we can handle each other's stories and feelings with care. Anything outside of this will not be tolerated as it would completely contradict our mission. This is also not a place to get political, although as we focus on internal work, I hope those benefits will reflect on our daily choices of acting with kindness. Not causing harm to ourselves or others is what we strive for.

Thank you for joining us. We are SO happy to have you!

Take care,

Tedders (Contributor/Owner)